Reason, Cause and Effect…

Posted by Emory on April 25, 2009

Reason: I want to become a great mangaka in Malaysia.

The Order of the Phoenix by ~emory on deviantART

I had a dream once. I was skeptical on it at first, without any plan and any resources, I bet EVERYTHING I had into it. I came to Kuala Lumpur to find an opportunity to enter the comic arena. With pure luck, my friends were studying in KL and by another struck of luck, the comic company I wanted to work with also within walking distance. (By means of distance is like 45 minutes of walking.) So my base plan is to get to KL and try my best. My dream became big. Too big in fact I split it into 3 stages. 5 year term in Malaysia, 5 year term in Japan, 5 year term in America. Ridiculous? I know…

Yes, for peoples dreams there are greed. I can’t see this world without anyones dream of being big and touches the sky. When the sky is reached, they go beyond, to the moon and further too see the galaxy. My dreams became too big for myself and I didn’t see what was coming.

Cause: Blinded by the sight of my emotions.

Eddy - The Keeper by ~emory on deviantART

For my history of drawing, I’ve been hot and cold on it. I never was an enthusiast in art. I disliked media colouring. I like more on sketching. I took me a while to gain confidence in inking. Scared of making mistakes and using blanco to erase my mistakes. I’m pretty scared for everything at first, but over time, my confidence builds up and I became more attached to my style of drawing. It was like my best work polish over polish and over. It was my prized style. But in the contrary. It was not.

I was so blinded by the facts of what I really want. I became so immature being attached to my current styling and lost sight of my future. I can’t keep up with this style. This style is like anyone can do. I don’t have my distinctive style or characteristics that implies that I did that work. True, I can draw. But that does not mean anyone can recognize my work. It felt hard for me to drop my current style of drawing. For so long, I didn’t know what I was aiming at. Polishing? or Renew?

Effect: Smack at the face, I must let go… Start over…

EOH 00001 - Birth by ~emory on deviantART

Yesterday’s meeting with the boss was tough, it hit me hard for sure. It was a reality check. What the boss’s comment on that day was the wake up call for me. I didn’t see it until I meet him. He was a guy with huge knowledge. Big visions! He almost scared me to death… I fear him and yet he gives me informative straight and clear images of what he wants. He tells me things about my work. The weakness and visions my future. He said it was not good. He even went to take some samples by a professional and gave it to me to see…

It was hard… A absolute smack on the face to wake me up. Then I realized the fact. If I keep that on… I won’t be able to go what I dreamed for Japan. I’ve got many things lined up for myself… But I haven’t even have my base filled. That’s why I think I fall most of the time in the reaching point. I wanted to be quick, but failed to see what is beyond results I see ahead.

Aftermath: Change

Well, nothing much this point. But I’ll post something new after I change my style again…

The confrontation is a good destined fate for me. I must wake up and change my style if I want to see my future soon. And the sooner I wake up, the better I’d be. I WILL NOT FAIL MYSELF. I’ve gone this far…

“If I don’t pour out the water from the glass, there will always be no fresh clear water coming in.”

A quote from my colleague that I will never forget.

Wow… So chun this song played in my playlist as I wanted to hit publish…

Daniel Powter - Bad Day